The Ultimate Road Trip: Wild Coast and Beyond

WARNING: Unlike my past blog, this blog contains humor, sarcasm, and a fair share of eccentric statements. If you are unprepared for this style of writing, and prefer my serious manner of blogging, please seek medical treatment immediately. If no physicians are located in the nearby vicinity, please concentrate deeply while reading the below quotation (this should help alleviate any symptoms of seriousness):

“Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.”- Jack Handey

With less than a month until my final departure from South Africa, and one of my longtime friends Jim Dailey (aka Jjjjjjjjjjjjjjim) in-town for a visit, I decided the perfect way to end my journey in South Africa would be with… well.. another journey in South Africa. Thus, after a week of showing Jim around Cape Town, we, as well as my friend Diaz (aka Diego the killer pimp), set off for my final Southern Africa road trip. Driving along the coast from Cape Town to Kruger National Park, our two week expedition was an amazing way to end my time here in South Africa.

Trip Themes/Highlights:

- Driving almost 3,000 miles in a period of 12 days, helping fulfill my goal of driving what has felt like the equivalent of the world’s circumference during my 12 months here in Africa (I think I’m actually closer to ½ the circumference = ~20,000KM).

- The Wild Coast / Transkei – Region of South Africa that truly represents “Africa”– Mud/thatch huts, women walking with baskets on their heads, poorly translated English signs that make little-to-no-sense, cows aimlessly wandering down the middle of the National Highway (aka one-lane pot-hole-filled road with countless stop signs) and of course amazing and untouched coastal scenery that would make any condo developer wet themselves in excitement.

o Hole In The Wall Hike – A four hour hike that probably was one of the highlights of my year in South Africa. Alongside our two trusty guides (2 border collies that decided to lead us on our path in exchange for a few bites of PB&J), we hiked along sheer cliffs, passing by village after village, until reaching our final destination of Hole in the Wall (see pic below).

o Attempting to speak Xhosa – The official language of the Transkei -- When letters become too much, clicks are the only appropriate filler. Our favorite word in Xhosa: Qwa Qwa = Click + Wa, Click + Wa

o Learning to surf – Thanks to an amazing 15 minute lesson from Diaz, both Jim and I managed to successfully surf some “wicked swells” that would even make Twiggy Baker squeamish (hopefully at least one person gets this reference to the world’s most famous surfer)

o The Irish Girls – While we couldn’t understand about 85% of what they said, the fact they laughed a lot and enjoyed our obsession with Paul Walker made them a blog-worthy highlight. “Owwer gayme of kehngs was thee craic!”

- Being EXTREEEEEEME! – This includes, but is not limited to the following: Scuba Diving with Sharks (~20 ragged tooth sharks were within a few feet of me), jumping the world’s highest gorge swing (333 ft), attempting to pose on every near-death-sheer-cliff we found and of course drinking Red Bulls while exclaiming “I’m so extreeeeeeme!”

- Our favorite words to repeat over and over throughout any given conversation: Nedbank, Oribi Gorge, Uzumbe, Gesluit, Macro, Coffee Bay (only allowed to be said in chant-like form) and Paul Walker (no explanation needed)

o The Ultimate Combo Sentence: That Nedbank sure did Gesluit my Oribi Gorge last night, but luckily I got to Macro Paul Walker’s Uzumbe at Coffee Bay! Coffee Bay! Coffee Bay! (yes Mom/Dad, your son is a little strange… just love and accept me)

- Stomping – When various aspects of T.I.A affected our journey (i.e. out-of-control riots shutting down the highway, inability to find food, driving endlessly down unmarked dirt roads), the only appropriate way to deal with the situation was through loud stomps with one’s foot onto whatever surface lay beneath (car floor, sidewalk, sand, grassy knoll). This immediately helped calm one’s frustration, as well as spark foot stomps from the other two in our group, in-turn producing laughter.

- Climbing to Tugela Falls – Although our hike to the 2nd highest waterfall in the world (aka a small puddle of pee that semi-drips about 3,110 ft to the ground below) was quite breathtaking, the fact that we had spent almost $75 to be led along a path as difficult to follow as a Taco Bell bathroom sign put a dampener on the day. However, add a little snow in Africa at the top of the Drakensberg Mountains, losing our tennis ball over the edge of the cliff, and of course several heart-to-hearts with our local guide Zee, and the day was a true success.

- My 5th visit to Kruger National Park – Although I have still failed to see Cheetah (as well as any Polar Bears mating with Llamas), I did finally witness my first kill… well, post-kill that is. While the picture below does better justice than my description, we spent about an hour watching a female lioness and her cubs gnaw away at a recently-deceased buffalo, all while vultures galore attempted to sneak up upon the buffalo to satisfy their own cravings (they didn’t even come close). Pretty much recreated what its like to get the “shaft” as a Discovery Channel videographer – “Bill, go videotape those Lions sleeping in the brush, and don’t come back until you capture something exciting and worthwhile.”

- Our final day:

o 5:30AM – Wake up

o 6:00AM – 11:00AM – Morning Game Drive at Kruger

o 11:00AM – 4:00PM – Drive 200 miles to Jo’Burg (includes avoiding out-of-control truck that came within 2 feet of making this blog an “after-life special”)

o 4:00PM – 5:00PM – Unsuccessfully search through about 1000 “unclaimed bags” at the airport in hopes of finding Lindsay’s lost bag from my past group of guests (includes finding an unclaimed anchor that someone had left behind… yes, an anchor)

o 5:30PM – 7:30PM – Fly to Cape Town (unable to sleep due to near comatose man’s elbow penetrating my kidney throughout entire flight)

o 7:30PM – 9:30PM - Eat/Shower/Change/Attempt to take a 15 second nap

o 9:30PM – 4:00AM – Mercury Monday – My final night at one of my favorite bars in Cape Town / South Africa / The World / The Universe

o 4:00AM – 4:03AM – Devour quite possibly my last late-night-drunken pie (I believe roasted chicken was the filler of choice this evening)

o 4:04AM - Sleep

Well, that about covers it. With my departure from South Africa only a few days away, I hope to have another “recap” blog before I leave. No promises however. With no flat, no car, and limited access to internet, my remaining time here in Cape Town involves a lot of walking, catching mini taxis, and chanting “USA! USA! USA!” whenever passing by a newspaper headline featuring Michael Phelps (most recent: “Phew, Phelps gets his 5th!”)

Onto the pics:

	Our loyal Nissan Tiida -- Keeping us safe despite its inability to stop at any speed over 50MPH without shaking violently
	Us and the Irish gals dominating the hoodies
	Surfing a KILLER wave
	Our two loyal companions along our Hole in the Wall hike
	Richness
	Oh my, how rich it is
	Please don't fall, please don't fall, please don't fall
	Yes, that IS a hole in the wall
	The only photo of my scuba dive with sharks... jim-scary
	Pretending to fly at Oribi Gorge
	Largest gorge swing in the world = I am extreme
	The OPPOSITE of quality
	i can see how "Dr Pixley Kaseme" is WAY easier to say than "West"... gotta love South Africa's obsession with ridding itself of "western" names
	Me and our tour guide Zee 3500 ft at the top of the Drakensberg Mountains
	This ladder was not fun to climb down
	A little rock climbing action at our backpackers (which ALSO had a hot tub!)
	Lionness and cub digging into some delicious water buffalo
	Two cubs playing
	Probably the two cutest kids in Africa