Visitors Round 2 - Shaina, Lang & Abbey

While I could begin this weeks blog by stating how absolutely exhausted I am from almost three straight weeks of non-stop guests (and their related on-the-go-every-minute-no-time-to-stop-for-anything-oh-my-god-can-we-fit-it-all-in activities), I unfortunately am unable to do so. With a 14+ hour sleep under my belt, and a day spent doing absolutely nothing (and I do mean, ABSOLUTELY nothing), I am fully recovered, and ready to recap the past 10 days that were... or was… (not sure what the proper grammar usage is here… maybe I should consult my amazing 570 GMAT score for help – yeah, I’m kinda a genius).

My most recent set of visitors, Shaina Newman (aka Shay Shay), Kristin Lang (aka Lang), and Abbey Gavrilla (aka Abbey Gavrilla), arrived on the 22nd of February, ready to partake in 8-9 days of South Africa’s finest: A self-drive safari in the ginormous Kruger National Park, an under 24-hour trip to the child-infested plains of Swaziland, and then of course random/various activities in and around the Mothercity of Cape Town.

Although we were all good friends or friends of friends in college, I never before had spent more than 12 consecutive hours with any one of these girls. Thus, when presented with the opportunity to spend over 200 NONSTOP hours alongside three women of whom I knew little of their “daily routines,” I was a bit overwhelmed at first. Would getting showered & ready take up almost half the day? Would shoes & clothes comprise the primary topics of discussion? Would “feminine product” preferences be a highly debated issue? Would releasing gas require a polite excusal from the room each time it was necessary (cause honestly, what else is a guy worried about when he is confined with three women in close quarters ?) ; )

Thankfully, for the most part, most of these questions could be answered with a nice and simple N-O. Due to the easygoing and anti-high maintenance nature of my visitors, getting ready was a whiz, shoes & clothes were only talked about when no other conversation could be delivered, “feminine products” were never brought up, and of course, gas was released with the utmost of ease (TMI? Nah…).

Without further delay, onto the trip themes/highlights:

Trip Themes/Highlights:

- Questions – Almost nonstop during the entire trip, I think I was offered the opportunity to answer almost 30,000 questions over the course of 8 days (which works out to about 156 questions an hour – the majority of which could be answered with “yes,” “no,” “I don’t know,” “ummmm, I don’t know,” “7” or “stop asking me questions”). Overall, my favorite questions were probably: Is this a two-lane road? Is that tree painted green? What elephant? (after I pointed out a 2-ton elephant standing literally 5 feet from our car)

- Big 5 Sightings – Within less than 24 hours on our safari, we managed to see all of the Big Five (most dangerous animals when initially wounded – I know, what a great way to develop a list): Lions, Leopards, Elephants, Rhinos & Water Buffalo. The scariest encounter of all (despite having each of these animals within petting distance from our car), was being surrounded by about 1,000 angry Water Buffalo, all glaring us down as we attempted to inch our way through their pack. I don’t think it has ever taken me so long to drive less than 50 feet (I’m guessing it took us almost an hour, having to stop every 2 feet each time a Buffalo started snorting and prepping to charge us). “Simmer down now.”

- Safari Flat Tire – Just before sunset, in the middle of nowhere on our 2nd day, we managed to lose the entire back-left tire of our trusty Toyota Corolla. After a loud whishing noise, a few KMs of the tire flapping along the underside of the car, it eventually dislodged itself, giving us free reign to more or less destroy the rim of our trusty Toyota Corolla (as that was all there was between our vehicle and the road below). Add to that having a cell phone with no service, and no way of seeing any living human before the morning, we were forced to drive on the bare rim for almost 11 km until reaching the main road before being rescued by park rangers. Good times!

- Swaziland – A land run by children & cows -- During our less-than-24 hour period in Swaziland, we managed to see almost 10,000 children running aimlessly through the streets, 1,000 or so cows begging to be hit by oncoming vehicles, and maybe 3-4 adults. I think we would’ve turned around if we had passed a single corn field, in fear of recreating Children of the Corn: African Edition.

- Teal–Colored Monkey Balls – What was God thinking?!? (The consistent theme of “balls” in general was quite prevalent with Lang, who only seemed interested in the balls of animals we saw – “Did you see that Elephant's balls?!”)

- Starvation – With hundreds of food options surrounding us during our trip, we somehow managed to delay almost every meal until the last possible moment, at which point our stomach’s began to eat themselves. Mmm mmmmmm.

- Carl – The random bar companion we met in Cape Town, who more or less taught us the necessities of life: Any person, no matter how big or small, can hold another person up, as long as they do it by their belt. Girls like riding mopeds & Harleys, although superbikes are WAY safer (due to about 245 separate reasons, all discussed in detail). When your fingers are intertwined in a certain way, it is almost impossible to move your ring fingers. To summarize, we loved Carl.

- LTBO - Long Term Body Odor – The innate ability to develop an extremely rank and heavy body odor, only created through an intentional avoidance of any showering or bathing in a 30-60 day period. Only multiple showers over the course of several days can help alter this extremely powerful scent.

- Assegai – Just kidding… well… kinda… it was mentioned on occassion

Onto the pics:

	The Crew -- I think Shaina & I were posing for the picture, but i have NO clue what Abbey and Lang were doing?
	Post wine tasting session in Paarl
	Some Rhinos at a waterhole in Kruger
	Female lion pride hunting in the early morning
	Spotted lion? (yes, its quite hard to make these animal captions entertaining)
	Oh those crazy monkeys!
	The aftermath of driving on a bare rim for over 10km
	The only part of Swaziland not infested with millions of random children
	Treating the girls to their first, true African Braii
	Watching a rugby match between South Africa and New Zealand