After almost a 3 month period overseas, with extremely limited access to the world of American culture (besides the occasional attempt by my flatmate to state “I’m gonna sue you!” in the worst Southern accent ever), I decided to bring a little bit of the US to South Africa, and host a Thanksgiving dinner. With approximately 15 South Africans attending the celebration of an event that I could not truly explain without the help of Wikipedia, I was the only one with any knowledge of what food comprised our evening meal. And given the fact that the only item I had ever placed in an oven was a California Pizza Kitchen Barbeque & Chicken Pizza (best pizza in the world by the way), cooking was most likely going to be quite an experience. To summarize:
8AM: Wake up
8:30AM: Really wake up (gotta love that snooze button)
8:45AM: Ok, honestly have to get up. Back up alarm just went off…
9:00AM – 12:00PM: Thaw the 16.8 pound turkey (biggest turkey in all of Cape Town as we visited almost 6 stores in our search for it) – Given that no bowl or apparatus in our flat was large enough to hold an entire turkey covered in cold water, we resorted to MacGyver techniques, utilizing over-sized plastic bags filled with water, hanging from the faucet bearings of our sink to keep the turkey immersed. 7 water changes and 8 plastic bags later (as seemingly every plastic bag in our entire house seemed to have some sort of leak), our turkey was defrosted, and ready to be “probed.”
12:00PM – 1:00PM: Pry and prod every hole and cavity of the turkey, in an attempt to remove giblets and neck, neither of which I had ever seen before (more on this later).
1:00PM – 3:00PM: Watch my new favorite straight-to-DVD movie: “Staring at a Turkey: The Special Behind the Scenes Making Of.”
3:01PM: Have a mild panic attack as our turkey, which should be cooking for about 4-5 hours, seems to be already done after a mere 2 hours (4 hours before anyone is set to arrive). After a reassuring Skype call to my mother, who informs me that our meat thermometer is actually in the bone of the turkey, we soon realize our turkey is as done as the roadkill on the street outside.
3:05PM – 6:00PM: Baste, rebaste, foil, refoil, baste, baste, check temp, baste, baste, foil, foil, defoil, foil, baste, check temp, recheck temp, make sure to recheck the checked temp, foil, defoil, baste… done!
6:00PM – 7:00PM: With a complete turkey off to one side, attempt to throw together as many of your patented thanksgiving menu items as possible: Stuffing, Mashed Potatoes, Cranberry Sauce (the most expensive item on our menu, as cranberries do not exist in Africa). As I commence in cooking these items (AKA following premade recipes verbatim), Kevin cuts the turkey, with great frustration – “where is the f*cking wishbone damnit!!... wait, is this the neck? Hahaha, you idiot. You left the entire neck in the turkey!” (the 12-inch neck did not resemble much of the 2-inch gob of crap we originally thought was what supported this once thriving turkeys head)
7:30PM: First guests arrive, 30 minutes late, but perfectly on time by Cape Town standards
9:00PM: Last guest arrives. Still on time somehow because they said they would “be there now now.”
Given that our meal was most likely the unhealthiest Thanksgiving ever (almost a pound of butter was used in the process), it was by far the most delicious, as the turkey was literally falling off of the bones, and oozing with juices. And although we all expected a 4:30AM visit to the hospital for food poisoning, such an occurrence did not… occur (too lazy to thesaurus that one). And yes, if you are interested, I will be cooking turkeys for hire starting next November if an amazing, heart-attack inducing meal, intrigues you.
Aside from Thanksgiving, the other exciting news in my life is the news of the future (and no, don't worry, I haven't found my African queen yet). In approximately 1 day, I will be departing for Dar es Salaam, Tanzania, to partake in a 16-day adventure across several African countries. Meeting up with two friends from high school & college (Steve Black & Steve Suarez), we will be spending one night in the city of Dar, only to depart the next day to enjoy 6 sunsoaked days on the beaches of Zanzibar. After our departure from Zanzibar, and our farewell to Mr. Suarez, Mr. Black and I (this is stating to sound a bit like Reservoir Dogs), will embark on one of the greatest experiences known to the African traveler: Climbing Mt. Kilimanjaro.
A hike that takes you up to the 19,340 ft (5,845m) glacier-covered peaks of the mountain, we will spend 6 days, hiking through rain forests, barren wasteland, and of course freezing temperatures, in our attempt to summit the tallest freestanding mountain in the world. I imagine our journey will be quite a breeze, especially since my training regimen has been comprised of two 10-minute walks on the treadmill (cut short due to boredom and slight exhaustion). After a hopefully successful climb, we will spend the next few days in Kenya, before I depart back to South Africa. Nevertheless, blogs on hold for a few weeks, as I don't think wireless comes in too well at the top of Kili.
Onto this weeks lesson:
“Learn me something something about South Africa.”
This Week's Topic: Malaria Drugs
Similar to the worst flu you’ve ever had in your life, x 10, the effects of Malaria are just slightly worse than the drugs utilized to prevent it. With millions of prescription drugs lining the shelves of pharmacies, only three drugs encompass the potential to prevent Malaria (best to worst):
1. Malarone – Effective. Limited side-effects. Cost = $10/pill (given my trip to malaria country is 16 days long, and you take the pill for about +/- a week before/after, I’ll have to pass on forking over $200 for some pills).
2. Mefloquin – Effective. Cheap. Side effects include inability to think. Yes, to think. Hallucination-induced dreams also have been known to accompany this drug, although its main effect (which I experienced the last time in Africa) is the destruction of every brain cell in your body. It’s like taking your mental state after a period of 48 hours with no sleep, and stretching that out over the course of 5-6 weeks (since the pill is continued 4 weeks after leaving the Malaria region). And then of course there is the feeling of having just drank burning acid after each pill is digested. We may have a winner here...
3. Doxycylcine – Effective. Cheap. Recreates Malaria through its side effects. No thanks
Although it was a tough decision as to which drug to take to prevent Malaria, Mefloquin won the race. Thus, if my next blog makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, then I think you have your reasoning...
Onto the pics...
 | Hanging out with the fattest turkey in Africa |
 | Gobble Gobble |
 | Kevin searching for the "bloody wishbone" |
 | The aftermath of our feast |
 | Beach Party at Tiger Tiger -- setting up shop on the dance floor with our towels, umbrella, coozies (sp?) and of course cooler of ice to hold the 2 for 1 beers |
 | Virtual Tornado in action |
 | no comment required |
1 comment:
Mark, I just wanted to say hello and wish you a happy Hanakah! (I know that today is the first day - pretty good for a non-jew, eh?)
And I also wanted to tell you that it disappoints me when your blogs are not on schedule. I have started checking for a new post every Monday in my cubicle and it is sad when there isn't a new one to read. :(
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